Tag Archives: love

We Will All Marry the Wrong Person

11 Sep

When WordPress featured this blog post, I was intrigued and just had to click on it. Actually, I uncreatively tweaked it, given the non-marital status that I have at this point. The actual post is called ‘We All Married the Wrong Person‘. I have to confess that human relations really fascinate me. Perhaps because I actually enjoy being analytical, at some point in my life I felt like I could ‘figure out’ some people. I was gravely mistaken. I have since come to realise that even psychology, the study of human behaviour, records statistics and come up with a mean of how people will behave under certain circumstances. However there are always the exceptions that bend the rule.

Human behaviour is no rocket science to be figured out. People can change due to their situations, the trauma they go through, the people they socialise with, the type of family background they have…and so much more. See, the variables are quite unnameable and those are all the things that can affect human behaviour. For those of you who are not married and assume you want to, don’t you also try to figure out everything about the person before you say yes?

Recently I met this guy from Germany in church. A bunch of us ended up having supper together after service and coincidentally we got on to the topic of relationships, which excited him and made him talk alot more. He shared that his grandparents came from a small town. They grew up together, went to school together and only had each other all their lives. It is also one of the most beautiful marriages he has ever seen. “We have too many choices these days and that confuses us,” he says. “We think that by having choices, it is a good thing but most of the time we don’t really know what we want nor know what is good for us.” This sentiment is echoed by Dr Haltzman in the article.

This also begs the question if marriage and love are all about us and what satisfy us.

In a world consumed by consumerism and choices, love has become another option. According to Dr Haltzman, we need to say, ‘This is the person I chose, and I need to find a way to develop a sense of closeness with this person for who he or she really is and not how I fantasize them to be.’ I am inclined to that statement. Most of the time, we forget that when we have expectations of a person or keep to a fantasised ideal of a person, we end up treating the person with less love and respect than they deserve.

Perhaps we will all marry the wrong person. That is because we know that humanity is fundamentally flawed. Instead, the thing we can control, and should control instead, is to be the right person to be married to instead of trying all sorts of way to try and change the other.